Judge Constance Harm: Homer Simpson, for causing a panic in a bank, I hereby sentence you to 100 hours of community service.
Homer Simpson: Community service? But... that's work! What about jail?
Judge Constance Harm: [Pounds gavel] Community service!
Homer Simpson: No! Please send me to jail! Free meals! Teardrop tattoos! Library books that come to you! I'll serve anything but the community!
Library books that come to you? HAHAHAHA it's funny because it's TRUE. We spend at least 8-10 hours a week delivering library books to patrons who are unable to come to the library due to illness, not playing well with others or leaving razors in the library for the female patrons to find when you are a male patron. (Aside: ok, if you are going to leave razors in the books for the other patrons to find, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT IN YOUR MAIL THAT YOU MAIL FROM ONE FACILITY TO THE OTHER BECAUSE WE READ ALL INCOMING MAIL.)
There have actually been a few episodes of The Simpsons where Homer goes to jail. In one, Homer becomes a snitch and gets special treatment before the other prisoners find out that he's informing and beat him up. Not having dealt with snitches as a librarian, I can't speak to the fact that they get special treatment, but at some DOC's I would not be surprised. All I know is the cliche "Snitches get stitches" which I can definitely tell is the motivation behind people refusing to tell me how a book got damaged, aside from swearing up and down that they didn't do it. Probably, they didn't but they will NEVER tell me who did, and since they signed the user agreement they are the ones paying for it. Of course, even if they did tell me, the book is checked out to them so they are responsible anyway, so maybe for them it's better not to tell me because then you'd be out the $7.99 AND get beat up with a lock in a sock later in the evening.
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