Monday, August 19, 2013

Conspiracy Theories

I have a library clerk who is a Conspiracy Theorist Extraordinaire.  I am always so amused every time she talks to me because I am like, "WHERE do you come up with this stuff??"

The other day, we were leaving the library and I was walking with the clerks to get the elevator and she quips as we are walking out the door, "You know those new Samsung flat screen TVs?  Hackers can look out at you from them!  So think about that before you run around your house naked!"  Granted, that's not a professional conversation topic, so how do you respond to that when you just want to laugh out loud?  I smothered my chuckle and just said, "Interesting.  I don't think that will be a problem."  That way they know a.) I don't own a flat screen TV and b.) I don't run around the house naked.  I guess "Nudity is not an appropriate work-related conversation topic" but I always think of better things to say after the fact.  And it just makes me laugh so much, I don't want to discourage her creativity.  Plus, then I would not have such funny things to report to all you potential prison librarians out there.

Being a librarian, I decided to do some research into this conspiracy theory, and it turns out there is some information out there:

Apparently, it's not just hackers who will be watching your private display of nudity, but the entire staff of Samsung...

Sunday, August 18, 2013

You know you've made it when your profession is satirized on The Simpsons

The Simpsons is my favorite TV show of all time.  It is so funny, the writing is excellent, and the topics are always current.  So imagine my amusement when I saw the Chief of Harts Episode and the following exchange between Homer and the Judge:

Judge Constance Harm: Homer Simpson, for causing a panic in a bank, I hereby sentence you to 100 hours of community service.
Homer Simpson: Community service? But... that's work! What about jail?
Judge Constance Harm: [Pounds gavel] Community service!
Homer Simpson: No! Please send me to jail! Free meals! Teardrop tattoos! Library books that come to you! I'll serve anything but the community!

Library books that come to you?  HAHAHAHA  it's funny because it's TRUE.  We spend at least 8-10 hours a week delivering library books to patrons who are unable to come to the library due to illness, not playing well with others or leaving razors in the library for the female patrons to find when you are a male patron.  (Aside: ok, if you are going to leave razors in the books for the other patrons to find, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT IN YOUR MAIL THAT YOU MAIL FROM ONE FACILITY TO THE OTHER BECAUSE WE READ ALL INCOMING MAIL.)

There have actually been a few episodes of The Simpsons where Homer goes to jail.  In one, Homer becomes a snitch and gets special treatment before the other prisoners find out that he's informing and beat him up.  Not having dealt with snitches as a librarian, I can't speak to the fact that they get special treatment, but at some DOC's I would not be surprised.  All I know is the cliche "Snitches get stitches" which I can definitely tell is the motivation behind people refusing to tell me how a book got damaged, aside from swearing up and down that they didn't do it.  Probably, they didn't but they will NEVER tell me who did, and since they signed the user agreement they are the ones paying for it.  Of course, even if they did tell me, the book is checked out to them so they are responsible anyway, so maybe for them it's better not to tell me because then you'd be out the $7.99 AND get beat up with a lock in a sock later in the evening.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Things you notice that you never noticed before prison, Episode I

Greetings readers!  Things have been more stressful than funny in prison lately, and I haven't had any good things for the blog until I was driving home today, and I saw a Sons of Silence motorcycle gang member.  The fact that I even noticed that got me to thinking, would I even have noticed that or known what his vest meant before I took Gang Training in prison?  I think probably not.  A motorcycle rider was a motorcycle rider was a motorcycle rider, and sometimes they like to ride in groups with balls and chains hanging from their handlebars and sometimes they just ride alone.  Although I never understood the super high handle bar thing.  Yes, your armpits are constantly being aired out, but don't your hands fall asleep?  It seems that it would be hard to keep the blood pumping up there on your cross country ride.

Anyway, seeing this Sons of Silence dude reminded me of the Hell's Angels guy I saw about a month ago and I came up with a new game.  It's called "Motorcycle Gangs I've Seen on the Highway BINGO."  So far I have two squares, and I am going to place them on the board by the free space so that I only need to see two more to win.  I think I'll also have a space for a Faux Hell's Angel, because one thing I learned in prison is that the Hell's Angels logo should ONLY be seen in profile, and if anyone gets a tattoo, or puts a patch on their vest with the skull facing forward, that is cause for DEATH.  Do NOT disrespect the Hell's Angels skull facing to the left, or you will DIE.  I might even make that one a floating wild card square, because if you see one before they are exterminated by the real Hell's Angels, well then you might as well buy a lotto ticket that day too because they are super rare.