Greetings potential prison librarians! I was re-reading some of my blog posts, and I have an update to the Hey Stop Touching Her post. Remember when I said I had never witnessed anyone getting freaky in the stacks? Well, don't worry, I still haven't actually burned my retinas off with that yet, but there was a dildo found in the library. YIKES!
For the first three and three quarters years that I worked in prison, I always heard, "Oh yeah, they always have sex in the library." I would think, "Not in MY library!" Well, little did I know... One evening there were two patrons in the library and I thought, "Hmm, those two are looking a little chummy!" but then I got distracted helping other patrons with their information requests and I wasn't able to keep as close an eye on them as possible.
Fast forward to the next day, and I walked into prison and was greeted by the lobby officer saying, "Guess what WE found in the library this morning?" Naturally, a shank was my first thought, but she said "A DILDO!" I was grossed out and confused, because they were super sneaky, I had no idea that was going on. I went and checked the cameras and couldn't see anything, and at that point I hadn't put two and two together to know whose it was. But, later that day, we had our library drop-in and those same two who were so friendly the night before came in together but with library notices that were addressed to them in different pods of their unit. As soon as I saw that, it immediately clicked an I knew who the culprits were.
After writing up the offenders and sending them back to their unit separately, I was updating the officers on the status of the situation and I asked how do they even make a prison dildo anyway.
Officer #1: "Well, this one was made out of paper mache newspaper, broken hangers, and saran wrap."
Me: "Well, they are nothing if not creative here!"
Officer #2: "You know, if they were better at paper mache, they wouldn't have needed the hangers!"